When and where? premieres June 9, 11:15 p.m., on IFC
Who should watch this program? stay-at-home moms, Pee-wee Herman
So how is it? Thu Tran is in love with food, and herself, and probably drugs. That's what makes Food Party such a tasty treat: it's a campy-beyond-camp mix of absurd recipes, psychedelic art direction, and cute chick Thu. Oh, did I mention the puppets? Think Sesame Street on acid. This six-part series, airing on IFC as part of their late-night "Automat" block, typically finds cooking-show host Thu in need of an ingredient, like apple seeds she must score from her dealer or caviar she needs for an undersea nude picnic. Still with me? The concept would prove senseless if not for the colorfully detailed costumes and sets, and Thu's self-consciously silly delivery. "Your oven should be pre-heated at about 350 to 450 to 550 or so ... About 69 to 420 minutes later, your cookies should be ready." Originally created as a Cleveland art-scene parody of public-access TV, Thu's videos went viral, she moved to New York, and now she's a bona fide TV star. The only downer is that each episode is just 10 minutes, but here's hoping Thu has a feature-film version of Food Party in the works, at least in her mind.
When and where? premieres April 15, 10 p.m., on Discovery Channel
Who should watch this program? insomniacs, Ron Popeil
So how is it? Got a Flowbee? A Magic Bullet? How about a George Foreman Grill? Whether you thank or blame TV infomercials for encouraging America's addiction to consumption, there's no denying we can't stop dialing 800 numbers to purchase the latest and greatest must-have-item-I-never-even-thought-about-until-I-saw-this-ad. But wait! There's more! Discovery Channel has turned these late-night, sitcom-sized commercials into a documentary series cum reality show, with ubiquitous infomercialmen Billy Mays and Anthony Sullivan on a quest to wrangle the next great invention. Despite their polished TV personas, these two squabble on set like mismatched frat brothers, whose frustration with each other is tempered both by mutual respect and all the cash they know their infomercials are about to make. At first glance, Pitchmen might seem like just another behind-the-scenes production peek, but there's a truth behind the madness: selling this crap is hard work. Even if it's only for three easy payments of $19.95!
When and where? Fridays, 6 & 9 p.m., on Science Channel
Who should watch this program? curious consumers, Industrial Revolutionists
So how is it? If you ever looked a can of creamed corn and wondered how they got those kernels in there, or looked at the label and wondered how they wrapped that can with a shiny image of the Jolly Green Giant, or even wondered how they made the toilet paper you'll eventually use to wipe that corn from your ass, Science Channel has all the answers. Unlike Food Network's Unwrapped, which similarly exposes production methods of everyday products, How It's Made goes beyond Twinkies and Spaghetti-O's to get to the real nuts and bolts of life. Speaking of nuts and bolts, those simple connectors that hold just about everything in the world together start out as steel wire rod, then get subjected to a furnace, a bath of sulfuric acid, a coating of phosphate, and hot/cold-forging before becoming the tiny wonders we all know and love. Windshield wipers? Baseball gloves? Violins? Their origins are all here, and trust me you haven't lived until you've seen a lava flow of Dijon mustard cascade into a vat. Toilet paper turns out to be mostly recycled newspapers and such, drenched into a wet pulp resembling cottage cheese, bleached with chemicals, spread on a screen and put through a dryer, emerging at 4000th of an inch thick before getting doubly spooled around cardboard tubes. Voila, two-ply! Once you've seen how convoluted these processes are, it's frankly mind-boggling you can get screws at the hardware store for pennies. Consider that the next time you covet a Prada purse. I think I know what I'm getting my wife for Valentine's Day.
When and where? third season premieres February 3, 11 p.m., on IFC
Who should watch this program? computer geeks, crafty Irish bastards
So how is it? I.T., that is, as in information technology. The computer guys at work. This should be funny, right? Imagine The Office taking place entirely in the cubicles of the technorati. Now forget that because this isn't it. Channel 4 sitcom The IT Crowd follows the wacky mishaps of three employees in the computer department of a U.K. corporation. The plots are often over-the-top enough, if you write them down on paper maybe, but the follow-through just isn't there. In one episode, after one of the tech guys gets bullied by thugs in the park, he returns to scare them off with a handgun. Ha-ha. That's it. In another, the guys try to come off manly by parroting lines from a website of Cockney-inflected phrases about sports, but end up as unwitting accomplices to armed robbery, ultimately avoiding the cops with an impromptu male-on-male kiss. That would be funny if it wasn't just so not. The real problem is that almost none of the humor has anything to do with the show's alleged premise: technology. Even Saturday Night Live's "Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy" sketches spiked higher than this show on the geek laugh-o-meter, and those barely registered. The only time I've seen these guys do anything tech-related is in the third season opener when the boss asks them for help: to open his laptop. Cue laugh track!
When and where? third season premieres January 6, 11 p.m., on TBS
Who should watch this program? improv actors, coupon clippers
So how is it? What's so funny about working at a grocery store? A lot, actually, if you work at Greens & Grains, the fictional setting of TBS's original comedy series 10 Items or Less. The show centers on ne'er-do-well Leslie (John Lehr), who upon the death of his father inherits ownership of a small-town food market staffed by a variety of oddballs. The shenanigans which ensue include a bagging competition against next-door rival Super Value Mart, pimping a wall stain that looks like Jesus, and late-night turkey bowling, a.k.a. tossing frozen birds down grocery aisles to knock down two-liter bottles of soda. Mostly unscripted, at least in terms of dialogue, the show relies on the actors' improv skills to fill out the plot, and the results are often beautifully odd. "It's like snaking a toilet," says Leslie, explaining Lasik surgery. "Except the toilet's your eyeball."
When and where? premieres December 2, 10 p.m., on Bio
Who should watch this program? psychology majors, Trekkies
So how is it? One part Inside the Actors Studio, two parts Frasier Crane, Shatner's Raw Nerve turns interrogation into surprisingly intimate conversation. Host William Shatner drills celebrities like Tim Allen, Judge Judy and Jenna Jameson on their personal troubles, everything from addiction to divorce, and what often starts off blandly Barbara Walters ("What makes you happy?") quickly turns biting ("Are you an addict?"). Yet the stars seem game to answer. Valerie Bertinelli confesses an unwillingness to forgive herself for her "sinful" youth (she's Catholic), while Jimmy Kimmel admits he wouldn't finish his nightly homework for ABC if he didn't have to. It's odd seeing Shatner in the role of psychotherapist, because for once it doesn't seem like he's acting. The erstwhile T.J. Hooker actually comes off as concerned. Calling Captain Kirk!
When and where? premieres November 18, 8 p.m., on IFC
Who should watch this program? political pundits, anarchists
So how is it? The war in Iraq is just one of the media manipulations dissected in The IFC Media Project, a six-part series that, according to the show's slogan, "reveals the truth behind the news." Not that the show claims major news outlets intentionally promoted a Bush-Cheney agenda by parroting Pentagon press releases, it's just that they just didn't ask any particularly crucial questions, like, why should I believe you? As outed CIA operative Valerie Plame notes, journalists and secret agents alike must consider why a source is giving them information: "Why is this person telling me this? What do they want from me?" And why does the media give so much attention to little white girls gone missing? You wouldn't know it from the nightly news or tabloid magazines, but plenty of other kids go missing too. "Truly interesting journalism is nuanced," says ex-Crossfire host Tucker Carlson. "Pol Pot had good points. I'm sure he was a witty conversationalist at dinner parties." In addition to having fun with quotes gone awry, the program includes recurring segments "The News Junkie" (a cartoon rant about idiocies like the suffix "-gate") and "The Media Encyclopedia" (explanations of such terms as allegedly: "a handy-dandy word you can put in front of any statement to magically make it true!").
When and where? premieres November 14, 8 p.m., on Cartoon Network
Who should watch this program? tweenagers, 40-year-old virgins
So how is it? Thankfully rejecting the disturbed-sociopath persona of the Dark Knight era, Batman: The Brave and the Bold returns the Caped Crusader to his campy days as a cartoon crime-fighting do-gooder buckled with a belt of ridiculous utility and a buddy list of superheroes always on call to help. While nowhere as absurd as the Adam West TV show, this series isn't afraid to send Batman beyond the limits of Gotham City, even into outer space for intergalactic adventures the likes of which we haven't seen since Zan and Jayna joined the Superfriends. (Just don't ask too many questions, like how an alien species of blobby sentient amoebas can fire hand-held laser guns.) Partnering with Batman each episode is a different superhero from the DC Comics pantheon: Aquaman, Plastic Man, Red Tornado, Blue Beetle. None of whom would have likely held a kid's attention if they were given a series of their own, but teamed with Batman the action is too furious to fail. Who needs the Boy Wonder?
When and where? premieres October 21, 10 p.m., on Animal Planet
Who should watch this program? PETA members, Lon Chaney Jr.
So how is it? An oddball English couple throw themselves to the wolves, literally, in Animal Planet's documentary series Living With the Wolfman. Former teaching assistant Helen finds herself tending a pack of wolves at an animal park with her husband, Shaun, who has licked and sniffed his way into the wolf pack's trust. The series opens with Helen preparing to establish herself in the wolves' environs by eating what they eat: meat. Not just steak or bacon or sausage, although that helps. To ensure her ranking order, Helen must have organ meat on her breath. Kidneys, liver, heart. Apparently, wolves' sense of smell is 100,000 times more sensitive than humans, so she won't be fooling anyone by sneaking a piece of lemon drizzle cake. Worse, to become a surrogate nanny, she has to regurgitate food into the mouth of the pack's pregnant Alpha Female. Despite the gross-outs, Living With the Wolfman is not some Wild Kingdom affair littered with mauled zebras. It's the story of a couple who love animals, and each other, who go to extraordinary lengths to become part of the pack. At its heart, it's a story of harmony.
When and where? premieres October 15, 10:30 p.m., on Comedy Central
Who should watch this program? bleeding hearts, N.W.A
So how is it? Allegedly a parody of African-American pop culture, David Alan Grier's new sketch-comedy show is more sad than satire. While rapper Phat Man's "No Child Left Behind" PSA comes complete with slutty schoolgirl dancers shaking ass (get it? behind?), it's not so cute to hear him remark, "My second wife, I shot, I stabbed, I hit her with a brick." A bit about a 1932 black presidential candidate whose dismembered body gets dumped across several Southern states is simply tasteless. Some sketches work, like an obituary for the news team's sole white correspondent, who was continually sent to report on gang initiations, drug deals and race riots, as well as Grier's rant about the death of hip-hop ("When did 'Fight the power' become 'Wait till you see my dick'?"), but Chocolate News ultimately fails to deliver on its premise. An "N-Word Peace Treaty" doesn't satirize pop culture, it just demeans the progress of a nation of backward racist fools to a nation somewhat less foolish. What's next, women's lib jokes?
